Posted by: Don Linnen | 9 August 2021

Friends and Fools

As the pandemic drags on, I sense frustration and anger simmering just below my calm, emotional surface. I watch and listen to irrational arguments from people I don’t know and friends I know and love and silently think: what kind of fool are you??

Some version of the word “fool” appears 183 times in my Bible. I’m currently in the Old Testament rereading the book of Proverbs. Some old lessons from there:

“a babbling fool will come to ruin.” 10:8

“a fool flaunts his folly.” 13:16

“a fool is reckless and careless.” 14:16

“a fool takes no pleasure in understanding.” 18:2

“if a wise man has an argument with a fool, the fool only rages and laughs, and there is no quiet.” 29:9

I often take solace in justifying my solitude to avoid fools and the potential of conflict with Proverbs 14:7 – “leave the presence of a fool.”

But Amanda Ripley, author of High Conflict, reminded me that humans are complex. Life is complex. Too much simplicity whether in the form political, medical, or spiritual points of view can lead to misunderstanding. That, in turn, can lead to fear, anger, frustration, and unhealthy conflict.

Albert Einstein said that everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler. Simple is not easy. Relationships are not easy. The pandemic is not easy.

We want sure, simple answers to the many unknowns and latent fears filling our lives today. When snarky answers and witty sound bites fill our brains and airwaves, we are ignoring the complexity of every human in our lives.

What about those humans? What makes them tick? What makes them afraid or angry?

Ripley encourages us to “revive curiosity in a time of false simplicity.” Ask questions of those with whom you disagree. Their answers will help you better understand them. AND enough thoughtful and loving questions may help them to look inwardly and better understand the nuance, history, and rationality of their fears – and to perhaps soften their point of view.

So perhaps rather than avoiding those who appear foolish to me, I need to actively engage friends and fools alike with genuine curiosity.

And I need to pray that I am not the fool.

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 30 April 2021

I Quit.

That two-word sentence is uncool, never advised, not popular, and certainly non-traditional in the work ethic of competitive America.

Vince Lombardi, Winston Churchill, Zig Ziglar, J.R.R. Tolkien, and others shaped my attitude over decades. Recreational endurance sports forged my mental and emotional toughness to carry on the “grind.” Those lessons were engraved in my soul. I get it. I buy into it. 

Then I quit one day last month and learned another lesson.

A 20-year-old tradition in our home is to start a new jigsaw puzzle after Thanksgiving. We hover over the puzzle for minutes or hours most days during the latter weeks of December.

This soothing escape and puzzling distraction often lasts well beyond Christmas – depending upon travel, puzzle difficulty, and holiday parties not to be missed. 

Every puzzle has 500 pieces (rarely fewer). Every puzzle is ALWAYS finished. There is just so much satisfaction when each piece falls smoothly into place. A finished puzzle represents mission accomplished and sweet victory. Until a few months ago.

I thought that with extra pandemic time available, why not boldly try a 1500-piece puzzle? Fortune favors the bold. I was confident we could whip this out with just a little extra time on a little larger table. What a great idea to close out a hard 2020 with a nice win!

Our puzzle depicted 118 proverbs in a rich painting by Pieter Bruegel. Lots of color. Lots of detail. Lots of interest.

And lots of pieces. By March the unfinished puzzle still covered most of our dining room table.

So I quit.

It was a bitter pill to swallow even for something so trivial. The puzzle won. It was a hard loss. I don’t like getting beat. I have a natural aversion to giving up – not finishing what I start. The battle lasted eight weeks longer than necessary. I was stubborn – and miserable during the final weeks. 

“Never quit” is a good mantra. But I felt better after I quit. And I was better. We got our dining room table back. And I no longer had an unfinished puzzle taunting me every night at bedtime.

It took a while to realize my battle with the puzzle was consequential only to my ego. Sometimes it’s not only okay to quit, it’s recommended.

Lesson learned.

And one more lesson: this year, we’ll start a 500-piece puzzle.

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 28 February 2021

The Highway of History

The Reverend Martin Luther King, Jr. died in 1968. His sermons are still teaching lessons today.

Lessons are generally good. I like to learn. But I hate it when someone insists on pointing out my ignorance – especially when they insist on having the last word.

That always provokes a reaction in me to point out their ignorance and compete for the last word. Sometimes I act. Other times I just fume. It’s not pretty. It’s especially not pretty when I’m the first to offer my “superior” point of view and vie for that last word.

And it can be dangerous to relationships. It’s like driving down a dark, two-lane highway and turning on your high beam headlights just because the cars coming at you from the opposite direction refuses to lower their high beams.

This is where MLK comes to my rescue. He gave a sermon in 1957 called “Loving Your Enemies.” The sermon is filled to the brim with good lessons – especially for the many of us in 2021 with differing, “superior” points of view. He says it best regarding high beams:

“I think I mentioned before that sometime ago my brother and I were driving one evening to Chattanooga, Tennessee, from Atlanta. He was driving the car. And for some reason the drivers were very discourteous that night. They didn’t dim their lights; hardly any driver that passed by dimmed his lights. And I remember very vividly, my brother A. D. looked over and in a tone of anger said: “I know what I’m going to do. The next car that comes along here and refuses to dim the lights, I’m going to fail to dim mine and pour them on in all of their power.” And I looked at him right quick and said: “Oh no, don’t do that. There’d be too much light on this highway, and it will end up in mutual destruction for all. Somebody got to have some sense on this highway.”

Somebody must have sense enough to dim the lights, and that is the trouble, isn’t it? That as all of the civilizations of the world move up the highway of history, so many civilizations, having looked at other civilizations that refused to dim the lights, and they decided to refuse to dim theirs. And Toynbee tells that out of the twenty-two civilizations that have risen up, all but about seven have found themselves in the junkheap of destruction. It is because civilizations fail to have sense enough to dim the lights. And if somebody doesn’t have sense enough to turn on the dim and beautiful and powerful lights of love in this world, the whole of our civilization will be plunged into the abyss of destruction. And we will all end up destroyed because nobody had any sense on the highway of history. Somewhere somebody must have some sense. Men must see that force begets force, hate begets hate, toughness begets toughness. And it is all a descending spiral, ultimately ending in destruction for all and everybody. Somebody must have sense enough and morality enough to cut off the chain of hate and the chain of evil in the universe. And you do that by love.”

So now I have a mantra when my hackles begin to rise. “Dim your lights” is easy to remember and may even help prevent destruction on my gravel path of history.

Somebody got to have some sense. Lord, let it be me.

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 31 January 2021

Facts vs. Truth

Once upon a time, in a civilization not too far away, there was agreement between most* people on facts. And there was disagreement on what to do with those facts. 

*Most does not include: religious leaders who refused to look through a telescope; sailors who feared sailing off the edge of a flat ocean; and eccentrics wearing metal hats to prevent mind reading by aliens. 

Disagreement was not a bad thing. It was a healthy means of addressing difficult questions based on a common set of facts. Truth was a starting point to find solutions. Then along came a spider named “alternative facts.”

In 2016, the Oxford English Dictionary’s word of the year was “post-truth.” From the website Oxford Languages: “Post-truth is an adjective defined as ‘relating to or denoting circumstances in which objective facts are less influential in shaping public opinion than appeals to emotion and personal belief’.”

Ironically, we demand truth from our bankers, merchants, doctors, employers, and loved ones but get squishy when it comes to what we feel and what we want to believe – often for our own convenience. Churchill astutely observed that “men stumble over the truth from time to time, but most pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing happened.”

Many pretend that what they believe is true. Constant repetition of a fervent belief cannot make something true. But it does work really well for cult leaders.

Facts are either true or they’re not. If true, they’re true for everyone. 

That absolute is not a popular belief today. Many believe that truth can be true for some but not for others.

I contend truth is universal. It’s not relative. I’m fortunate enough to have Rebecca McLaughlin back me up on relativism.

McLaughlin defines relativism as “the belief that there is no universal truth – that all truth is specific to its culture and its time.” She contends that the very statement – “there is no universal truth” – contradicts itself because IT IS in fact a universal statement.

The very cool Ms. McLauglin speaks to the rejection of relativism in her one-minute video much more eloquently than I can in any further rambling. For a deeper dive into the subject, pick up her excellent book, Confronting Christianity. Warning: it may make some Christians uncomfortable.

Truth has a long history of making people uncomfortable. Augustine said: “We love the truth when it enlightens us. We hate the truth when it convicts us.”

You know better than to build your house on the sand. You know better than to follow a cult leader into a dark valley.

Build your house on the truth. Build it on a rock.

John Maisel said it best: “rock-type truth gives God-type security.”

 

 

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 31 December 2020

Search for Hope?

The numbers on hope for you left brainers:

  • 2.5 billion hits on a Google search for the word
  • 152 hits in the Bible
  • 56 Methodist hymns on the topic
  • 10 posts mention hope in my blog. This will be # 11.

Do numbers matter when it comes to hope? Science would say no. Why look for something that has no proof?

Do people really search for hope? Paul Tripp reminded me yesterday that every human being is “hard wired for and concerned about hope. We’re all in a constant search for hope that delivers and lasts.” (1) 

So what does science say about the mental health of those living through the confusion and fear of 2020? Two different studies this year, one by Gallup and another by American Bible Society / Barna Group reveal that “frequent church attendees” and “scripture engaged people” (aka Bible readers) have done better than most folks this year and experienced “higher than average levels of hope.”

Expecting yourself or your children to be well above average is a pretty low bar in most families.  But above average hope is not bad in a chaotic year with a 100-year pandemic and sporadically competent leadership. (trying to be nice here)

Those studies explain why I have a clear sense of hope for next year. I haven’t been to “big” church in nearly 10 months. I’ve infrequently been to a very few, very small, outside gatherings. But I attend virtual church almost every week. I still run late getting there even though the trip from bedroom to breakfast table is really short.

And there is something I do every day. I read and I pray. It’s not particularly long, deep, or even intense – but it’s a regular engagement in scripture. I read a devotional and my Bible and pray. Every. Day. 

Since 2011, the year of our cancer, I’ve read a new devotional by a new author. I love their words – their phrases – their thoughts. They often speak of hope. I read this in 2013:

“Difficulties challenge our energy and our perseverance but bring the strongest qualities of the soul to life. There are times when everything looks very dark to me – so dark that I have to wait before I have hope. Waiting with hope is very difficult, but true patience is expressed when we must even wait for hope.

The purpose of our trials is not only to test our worthiness but also to increase it, just as the mighty oak is tested by the storms as well as strengthened by them. Faith grows through storms.  – L.B. Cowman (2)

L.B. (Mrs. Charles E.) Cowman provoked my hope then. Today she reminded me of the good purpose of storms. 

For those who are interested, below is the list of powerful books that have taken me step by step, day by day through disease, uncertainty, disappointment, death, disarray, storms, and pandemic. These small books are literally packed with hope.

  • Jesus Calling – by Sarah Young
  • Grace for the Moment by Max Lucado
  • Streams in the Desert by L. B. Cowan
  • Everyday Prayers by Scotty Smith
  • A Year with C.S. Lewis by C.S. Lewis
  • Heart of the Matter by Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation (CCEF) 
  • My Utmost for His Highest by Oswald Chambers
  • Quiet Moments with God by Lloyd John Ogilvie
  • Saving Grace by Jack Miller
  • God’s Wisdom for Navigating Life by Tim Keller
  • New Morning Mercies by Paul Tripp
One last note on hope: Scotty Smith contended that “not hoping is not an option.” (3) His flat statement that “the gospel calls us to hope, not to hype; to believe, not to make believe; to intercession, not to presumption” is a refreshing counter to the hyperbole of so many of the misled, fearful, and hopeless today.   
 
Search for hope. It’s always there.
 

(1) New Morning Mercies by Paul David Tripp, December 30

(2) Streams in the Desert by L.B. Cowman, June 19

(3) Everyday Prayers by Scotty Smith, August 19 and November 4

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 30 November 2020

Satisfaction

Mick Jagger says he can’t get any and implies that no one – or at least Rolling Stones fans – can get any. I disagree.

Last week I watched an exquisitely timed, virtual presentation from the SMU Tate Lecture Series. Arthur Brooks was the presenter. “Increasing Your Happiness (even in a pandemic)” was the topic. The timing was perfect since my viewing occurred just before the shopping orgies of Black Friday and Cyber Monday.

There are soooo many cool, new things available in 2020 with great discounts. We are ending month number nine in this once-in-a-lifetime pandemic. It is so easy and so safe to shop online. It will be good for the economy if I buy some stuff. It will be good for me (aka I will be happier) if I can just decide what I want.

The big question: What will SATISFY me?

And this is where Professor Brooks stepped in to save the day. He quoted the 14th Dalai Lama, Tenzin Gyatso, who said: “We need to learn how to want what we have, not have what we want in order to get steady and stable happiness.”

That is the rare combination of profound and simple as it stands in a sentence. Brooks made it even simpler. He turned it into an equation:

Satisfaction = Haves / Wants

He said that to raise your level of satisfaction, you need to raise your haves and lower your wants. For mathematicians, that means manage your denominator.

He referred to the bucket list as the worst concept in America. But a great way to manage that is to take one day a year – perhaps your birthday – and throw away a bunch of your wants.

How satisfying.

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 31 October 2020

Convinced

Not sure if I can convince you of this, but convincing may be highly overrated. I recently completed an online class to help me improve my presentation skills. The instructor suggested four ways to project more confidence:

  1. Exude a relaxed body language.
  2. Be emotionally connected with your audience yet non reactive when something goes wrong.
  3. Believe that no matter what happens, you’ll be okay.
  4. Don’t try to convince anyone of anything. Just present beliefs based on your experience.

The last point jumped out at me. I don’t know how many times I’ve tried to be the “convincer in chief.” I did my homework, prepared my three main points, and began presentations and discussions with an internal agenda to convince.

After all, my list of great points must always be clearly heard, thoroughly understood, and totally agreed upon – right? Maybe not. Definitely not if you audit my poor record of debate wins and acclaimed presentations. That bitter pill is not so hard to swallow when I recall there are many reasons to oppose new or even familiar ideas.

So how do you get a really important point across without trying to be convincing? Lets look at how some folks share the good news of the gospel of Jesus Christ. They meet a non believer, make five minutes of small talk, then launch into a quick recital of five verses to present the bad news about ourselves and the good news about God.

  1. We are all sinners. Romans 3:23
  2. The penalty of sin is death. Romans 6:23
  3. But Jesus Christ died for us. Romans 5:8
  4. You can be saved through faith in Christ. Ephesians 2:8-9
  5. You will be saved if you believe in your heart and confess with your mouth. Romans 10:9-10

In a sense, they are trying to convince non believers to accept an old book and adopt new beliefs. Sometimes that works. More often it just feels like being beaten over the head with a bible. It’s not fun.

But if instead you say: “Look this is what worked for me. It’s worked for others. I doubted this Jesus stuff before I tried it. I wrestled with it before I believed it. It’s a hard thing that make no sense. These are concepts that are risky, goofy, potentially embarrassing, possibly dangerous, but, once fully accepted, they brought so much more peace, confidence, and meaning to my life – and to the lives of others.”

Now that’s fun, and it’s authentic, and it’s true (certainly for me). The follow up is to ask, “What’s your plan? What’s the best you got (sic)?” They probably have no plan. Their best probably includes a big void.

With that admission, a door can open to deeper conversation. That conversation may lead back to the truth in those five bible verses. At the very least, a seed is planted.

To prepare your case without the need to convince is a huge relief. To share beliefs that resonate with your experience adds authenticity to what you’re saying. It is more convincing than if you try to convince.

I am convinced. 

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 24 September 2020

An Outstanding Pilot

Flying is an inherently dangerous occupation. Long ago I learned there are a few bad pilots. They don’t last long. They either eliminate themselves or gravity does it for them.

There are many smart pilots with good flying skills. And there are a few outstanding pilots.

An outstanding pilot is one who uses her or his outstanding judgement to avoid the need to use her or his outstanding knowledge and outstanding skills.

Today, James Clear wrote:

“Success is largely the failures you avoid.

Health is the injuries you don’t sustain.

Wealth is the purchases you don’t make.

Happiness is the objects you don’t desire.

Peace of mind is the arguments you don’t engage.

Avoid the bad to protect the good.”

There is always something to fix, accomplish, or avoid. Whether it’s a relationship with an especially challenging person, a daunting task at work, or reports of a crisis in our nation, it can sometimes be really scary – at least in our minds.

I always encourage others (mostly to remind myself) that it’s important to “face the dragon” – don’t avoid it. Once engaged, the dragon is often not as big and fearful as imagined.

The action of engagement is a near-perfect antidote to fear. But judgement must first enter the picture. 

Don’t avoid the dragon or the fight that needs to be fought. But don’t feel compelled to face every dragon or engage in every fight that comes along.

Seek the truth. Learn all you can. Hone your skills. Prepare for the fights that matter, but “avoid the bad to protect the good.”

Be an outstanding pilot.

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 28 August 2020

Endurance

Endurance is an interesting word.

en·dur·ance   |   inˈd(y)o͝orəns, enˈd(y)o͝orəns   |   noun

the fact or power of enduring an unpleasant or difficult process or situation without giving way

I associate endurance with the best of times and the worst of times. It can be horrible in a bad relationship. But some of my best memories were created on long, hot, miserable runs with good friends.

Whoever is beside you in difficulty makes a world of difference. But what else makes a difference?

A difference may be in knowing where the finish is. Sometimes the finish line is unknown unless you set it yourself. PRO TIP: Set and celebrate your own milestones.

A difference may be whether or not you intentionally begin the ordeal yourself. Sometimes your trial begins at an inopportune time through unplanned, unexpected, unchosen, unwanted circumstances. They just happen. No one is exempt. PRO TIP: You’re rarely the only one facing the ordeal.

We are in the middle of a pandemic. It’s the epitome of “unplanned, unexpected, unchosen, unwanted” and has no known finish line. Some folks are not handling it well. They’ve already been through so much for so long. They resent congratulations for their resilience. They’re tired.

They don’t need more character-building opportunities. They have enough character. I’ve felt that way before.  

But some folks handle misery, change, discomfort, and uncertainty with an adeptness I admire. Many enter endurance events out of necessity (a doctor in surgery or a fireman in a forest). Others actively enter endurance events for the “fun” of it (running, cycling, swimming). Then there are those who serve in the military who just “embrace the suck.”

In nearly every case, the best long sufferers – those who don’t buckle when straining for long periods – have practiced in a controlled environment before they face the “real world” of hardship. That absolutely makes it easier when facing a novel challenge, especially when there’s no end in sight. Previous experience is invaluable.

For those without the experience of physical and mental discomfort until now, congratulations! What you have gained over the last five (or more) months of this pandemic will serve you well in the next long, unpleasant event in your life. Sorry. This is life. That’s the bad news.

Whether you think the Boy Scouts are corny or cool, you can appreciate their motto, “be prepared.” By just living through 2020, your body and mind is being prepared for whatever is next for as long as is needed. That’s the good news.

But is your heart in it? That is more important than being tough and being prepared.

“Embrace the suck” is MilSpeak (military slang) for “The situation is bad. So what. Deal with it.” The profession of arms is the most physically and mentally demanding job in the world. Warrior talk is focused, succinct, and creates the tie that binds any band of brothers and sisters in difficult and dangerous situations.

Warriors will not run from a bad situation. Or gripe about it. (Well, maybe a little – but they’ll still do what it takes.)

When they embrace the suck they are saying: “Good. I revel in my suffering because I know it produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope – the hope that I’ll for sure be okay, get out of here, and go home someday.”

Ironically, that’s the same message that Paul wrote to the Romans over 1900 years ago.

THAT’S the message for your heart.

 

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Posted by: Don Linnen | 8 August 2020

Gentle on My Mind

There’s a lot on my mind these days. Gentle is not at the top. It needs to be. 

We live in an age of outrage over ANY subject worthy of discussion. Politics. Medicine. Sex. Schools. Religion. Justice. Entertainment. Food. Environment. Sports. You pick it. Someone’s got a beef.

There’s always someone ready to “share” their strident opinion on their favorite subject. Sometimes it’s on something I never knew was a hot button. To respond with honest bemusement can throw gasoline on the fire. My singed eyebrows are proof positive.

AND there’s always someone else ready to take offense at the stated opinion. Charlie Dunn, Pastor of Grace Lake Highlands, proposed a few weeks ago that our love for offense is the new “national sport.”  He said that outrage is the new, addictive drug that is taking over so many psyches and hurting so many relationships.

He offered a compelling lesson on Gentleness in an Age of Outrage during our online church. He said it so much better than me. Your time may be better spent to stop reading now and listen to him instead.

But what he said stirred what’s been on my mind for a while. I’m still processing relationships with those I love who live in outrage and friends I admire who repeat conspiracies. 

In today’s tough, combative, competitive, fearful world it appears that to be gentle is to be weak. Is there a “place for gentle” anywhere, anytime – or is it now an outmoded concept?

Certainly if you are a nation of light pitted against a spiritually-dark nation with self-serving beliefs regarding the rule of law, you must not appear weak. If you stand guard over something important in a hostile land or simply walk across a dark parking lot in Dallas, you must not appear weak. It is vital to not invite threat because a potential aggressor perceives gentleness as weakness. BUT for most of the time in most of our lives, gentleness is indispensable.

To be gentle is to succeed.

A successful salesperson solves problems by gathering information with gentle queries, intent listening, and perceptive observation. A successful fundraiser practices what Hank Rosso called “the gentle art of teaching the joy of giving.”

Hearts are won with gentle persuasion. Not by laws. Not by force. Not by yelling louder. Quarrelsome leaders and pundits get short-term wins measured by their version of popularity, but they never really thrive.

When I think of something that thrives, I think of my dad’s garden and his delicious fruits and vegetables that came in year after year. His boysenberries were my favorite. Ironically, when I think of my Father’s garden, I think of His fruit – the fruit of the spirit.

Galations 5:22-23 defines it and Max Lucado speaks to it: “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self control. To these I commit my day. If I succeed, I will give thanks. If I fail, I will seek his grace. And then, when this day is done, I will place my head on my pillow and rest.”

To be gentle is to thrive.

Gentle wake ups are the best. Gentle reminders help us meet goals. Gentle stretching helps aging muscles. Gentle jest and civility at the dinner table bond families and friends with warm memories even when separated by time and distance. Many, many elements of gentleness are woven into the fabric of every life that thrives.

There is absolutely a “place for gentle” today. We need to model it more than ever. But how do we deal with outrage?

Rebecca McLaughlin said that “how we respond to a question matters as much as having an answer. Especially if the question is hostile, dismissive, or coming from a place of pain, we must work hard not to be dismissive or defensive in response, but rather to model the “gentleness and respect” to which we are called (1 Peter 3:15).” She goes on to say it can be really “hard in the moment to manage our own feelings and to think clearly about a helpful response.”

Amen, sister. Gentle is seldom at top of mind for me.

A hero in the book, Wounded Tiger, was described as someone with “inner strength and gentle courage – water drawn from an extraordinarily deep well.”

I need to deepen my well.

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